Flight, Flight, Freeze, Flop

What do these words mean, when and why do they happen?

Fight, flight, freeze or flop. The acute stress response.

The phrase ‘fight, flight or freeze’ is well known, but what does it mean and why has ‘flop’ been added?

This is also called the acute stress response or flipping your lid. Put simply, someone who has reached this point is in survival mode. They are unable to engage the ‘thinking’ and ‘feeling’ parts of their brain. 

Survival mode is very important in certain situations. For example, if a lion appears in front of you, you don’t need your brain to engage how you feel and what you think about this anomaly – you just need to get somewhere safe. Your brain will start doing this before you are conscious of your actions. 

This is great in circumstances where your life is in danger; it is not so great when someone is asking you to do something you find challenging.

What might fight, flight, freeze or flop look like?

• Someone in ‘fight’ can look hot and bothered. They can be angry, aggressive, controlling or argumentative.

• Someone in ‘flight’ can look very busy, hyperactive or silly. They might be unable to cope with free time or literally remove themselves from the situation.

• Someone in ‘freeze’ can look bored or confused. They can come across as forgetful or daydreaming.

• Someone in ‘flop’ can look like a zombie. They might do what they are told without protesting about what is happening to them.
  

Remember someone in fight, flight, freeze or flop cannot engage the ‘thinking’ or ‘feeling’ parts of their brain. These parts of the brain can only be engaged when someone feels safe. It is important to remember that the person needs to feel safe. Rationalising the situation at this point is unlikely to work. It is not until the person feels the threat has gone that making connections is possible. Connections are easier to make with the support of someone trusted, they might include rationalising the problem and thinking of different strategies to cope with it.

Supporting someone 

The steps below can be used with people of any age. I have included examples that include common incidents experienced by children. 

First regulate and help the person experiencing the acute stress feel safe. Help them to feel regulated by calming their breathing and helping them soothe. 

This might include offering a cuddle and breathing slowly together. Some people might not accept the offer of a cuddle and this is ok! If a hug is not wanted then stay close, keeping them safe and letting them know you are present and waiting. 

Next, relate with the person. Give them the words to understand how they are feeling. Let them know you understand how they feel and if possible why they feel like they do. 

This might sound like ‘I can see you were so angry when your model broke. You were so angry you shouted, stamped your feet and kicked the toy.’

Finally, reason with them. If the behaviour leading up to now wasn’t appropriate then explain why and talk about different ways to react to the situation. 

This might sound like ‘It is ok to be angry. I get angry too sometimes. It is not ok to kick. Kicking might break things or hurt people. Is there a different safe way we can get our angry out? We could huff and puff like a big bad wolf. We could move away from the thing and come back to it later.’ 

Illustrations © Sarah Cook